That's when I last blogged...
Well, I'm back. Its been a funny old few years. After breaking up with the ex things took a definite turn for the better social life wise. My friends were brilliant, we didn't stop, there were trips out, nights in the pub, laughing until I couldn't breathe (admittedly that isn't too hard what with the crappy lungs) and just generally enjoying myself. That year and a half was spent putting myself back together, I was happy and content.I came to realise I didn't deserve to be treated how I had been for nearly three years.
The only downside was my health, I had never really picked up properly since the virus I had Christmas 2013 and the constant "Go! Go! Go!" attitude I've developed wasn't helping things. It all came to a head June this year. I'd caught 'flu in January which gave my body a real battering, I was in hospital for three weeks and when I had the chance to go home I jumped at it. I hate being away from home and, while I knew I wasn't better, I thought I'd be ok... nope.
I had yet another admission in April then, in June, I was just sitting on the couch at home when I started with the most horrible pain in my left side. The thought of a collapsed lung crossed my mind so of course I did the completely wrong thing by taking a few paracetamol and dragging myself to bed. A few days later I admitted defeat and rang my hospital. They saw me in clinic that afternoon and wanted to admit me there and then but since I only had the clothes I was wearing (and no phone charger!) I managed to talk them round into admitting me the following day.
I wasn't too bad the first few days, I think I had been running on adrenalin for so long that it was masking things but once I had chance to just stop fighting and let myself relax I became pretty ill. I started throwing up every time I ate, I had temperatures of 102 with uncontrollable shaking, the nurses had to fight me to keep the fan on to cool me down, I kept turning the central heating up, turning off the fan and wrapping myself in blankets..this was the hottest day of the year but I was bloody freezing.
My oxygen levels were through the floor and I was on oxygen as much as possible. I was told I had pneumonia, something I had had before so I wasn't too worried (ok, I was a little bit) The only time the state of my lungs worried me was after a rubbish ward round, I had been told I was likely to be in for weeks and it wasn't something I wanted to hear. I'd already been in a while, I was missing home and everyone I loved. I needed to get off the ward on my own ( I had been taken walks to the ward door and back and always on oxygen and you never get 5 minutes to yourself) So I took my oxygen off because, by this point I was damn sick of it, and basically stomped off the ward. I made it to the main entrance which was about 5 minutes walk, sat down then I was stuck. I couldn't breathe,my chest was so tight and I just couldn't get any air in. I didn't have a hospital band on as I always take them off if they are loose enough and I was in my "civvies" because I don't do pj's on the ward unless I really have to. I had this mad thought that if I keeled over outside among the smokers then I'd probably get taken to casualty and poked with needles.I managed to get back to the ward eventually and from then on I almost always behaved myself!
I was in for 5 weeks which has been my longest admission. Not something I ever want to repeat, but my doctors are really pleased with how I've picked up since and I'm really looking after myself (not that I wasn't before, I think I just needed the epic rest)
So yeah, crappy health for the past year or so but something brilliant happened too. I met someone. We have been seeing each other for just over a year now and, while this is always a bit of a cliché, he is the best thing that's happened to me for along time. He makes me happy and not just in a superficial, going out and having adventures kind of way (and we have lots of adventures) but actual, just being with him and doing normal things, kind of way. It must be love.. plus I think he is gorgeous and I fancy the bones of him (yep, that does sound superficial)
I enjoy spending lots of time with him, I've always liked having my own space and time to myself and always find it difficult spending extended periods of time with people ( I think that's why I struggle so much in hospital, you never can get much time alone) but it's different with him, he's my best friend and it's so easy being in his company.
Ahh! I've turned into one of those mushy types!