Wednesday, 20 July 2011


First post for ages and it's a 'woe is me' miserable one... sorry. If I were you I'd stop reading right about now.

Ok....The past three weeks have been a bit trying, things are a bit tough and I've had to do some serious thinking (not something that comes naturally to me, any serious thinking tends to be health related and this isn't- it doesn't sit right and is making me a bit unsettled.)
You see, there are things I want and things I can't get and I know that if I'm ever to get the things I want I have to make some serious and scary decisions first.
Do you ever feel like you are totally on your own? That all you want is someone to give you a hug and tell you what you should do even if they know you will probably do the opposite? It takes me a lot to tell someone I'm in need of an escape and I'm brilliant at hiding how I feel, saying ' I'm fine' is the easiest thing in the world and there are only a few people that can see through me well enough to know that I'm not happy. The people that do cheer me up are either too busy or have problems of their own.This is why I'm sat here on a wet Wednesday afternoon feeling lonely, frustrated and with nothing to turn to except a keyboard and a screen.
 Is it too much to ask that things, just once, could be easy? That I don't have to be the one making the effort or the compromises? That just once, I could be put first?

I know I sound selfish and maybe I am. Perhaps I'm just over tired or just sad. I know I need to do something, a holiday or a trip out or anything just to get away for a few days and I know I still have a big decision to make ( I will explain- just not yet, again sorry!) that I know is at the route of this miserable feeling.

Anyway, I feel better for getting that off my chest and normal blog posts will be resumed shortly.



  1. I fully understand where you're coming from. I'm someone that when asked, I say I'm fine rather than explaining. I want people to understand where I'm coming from but I'm reluctant to tell them because it leaves me feeling a bit on the self conscious side.

    I find writing e-mails to friends is a good compromise. That way I can say if there's anything bothering me, they have time to think up some advice for me (because lets be honest CF is knda difficult to openly talk about) and I can ask about what they're doing and find out what they've been up to. It gives me something to do if I'm feeling a bit crappy and I feel far less guilty offloading in an e-mail than a phone-call. I'm not sure why, but everyone needs to offload sometimes. My e-mail address is on my profile if you need a rant. I'm more than happy to listen.

    Gem x

  2. Have a virtual hug. Everyone needs one now and then, and it's good to get things off your chest too.

    Whatever the big decision is that you ned to make, you will find the strength to make it. I have been given loads of advice over the years by family and friends relating to all kinds of things, but two of the best pieces of adcice i've ever been given, and relate to all kinds of situations, i pass on to you now. Things are not hard, they are challenging, and we all need to be challenged. If you are not challenged then what's the point? And you only get sent what you can deal with. It might not be easy (and i refer back to point 1) and it might sem like you have a tonne more crap to handle than the next person, but that's because you are a stronger person and can find the resources within to deal with it.
    That might not help, but i hope it does even in a small way.
    Lots of love coming your way xx

  3. I totally sympathise and agree with you. I have no great words of wisdom but I do send hugs to you. Oh and it's not selfish for you to want things to be a bit easier.

    Hugs in abundance

    Jan x