First post for ages and it's a 'woe is me' miserable one... sorry. If I were you I'd stop reading right about now.
Ok....The past three weeks have been a bit trying, things are a bit tough and I've had to do some serious thinking (not something that comes naturally to me, any serious thinking tends to be health related and this isn't- it doesn't sit right and is making me a bit unsettled.)
You see, there are things I want and things I can't get and I know that if I'm ever to get the things I want I have to make some serious and scary decisions first.
Do you ever feel like you are totally on your own? That all you want is someone to give you a hug and tell you what you should do even if they know you will probably do the opposite? It takes me a lot to tell someone I'm in need of an escape and I'm brilliant at hiding how I feel, saying ' I'm fine' is the easiest thing in the world and there are only a few people that can see through me well enough to know that I'm not happy. The people that do cheer me up are either too busy or have problems of their own.This is why I'm sat here on a wet Wednesday afternoon feeling lonely, frustrated and with nothing to turn to except a keyboard and a screen.
Is it too much to ask that things, just once, could be easy? That I don't have to be the one making the effort or the compromises? That just once, I could be put first?
I know I sound selfish and maybe I am. Perhaps I'm just over tired or just sad. I know I need to do something, a holiday or a trip out or anything just to get away for a few days and I know I still have a big decision to make ( I will explain- just not yet, again sorry!) that I know is at the route of this miserable feeling.
Anyway, I feel better for getting that off my chest and normal blog posts will be resumed shortly.